A dollar a balloon? Don't mind if I do.

This weekend came with some struggles. Hard conversations, some tears, and airing out of frustrations. Both Adrian and I have been working long hours lately and wondering at times where that money has gone. Answer: college loans, car payments, rent, city living, medical expenses, etc, etc. Being an adult is difficult, yes? Earlier in my life two cardigans from Target for $30 was a no-brainer. Not so much anymore. Life goals, savings, simpler living. I know one day, I'll be proud of us for having been young and in love and broke and for having made it through. In the mean time, it's a little rough.

All that is to say, if ever there was a weekend for the helium shortage in Chicago to end, this was that weekend. When times get tough, buy heart and star shaped balloons. I always say. 

Oh, you didn't know there was a helium shortage in Chicago? My good friend Meredith and I have been researching for her upcoming birthday party. Because a birthday party isn't a birthday party without balloons. And sadly, we had been informed time and again that helium was unavailable.

Until now.

So for a dollar a balloon? I bought four. Three hearts. One star. For research purposes, of course. And also because I love them.

Do yourself a favor: buy a balloon for a dollar. I promise it'll make your day.

Presence.

I have never been much of an activist. I'm not much for yelling. Or creating catchy phrases. Or standing and holding signs. While I often feel passionately about one topic or another, I've refrained from participating in marches, demonstrations and rallies, always under the notion that surely plenty of others would be there and would be passionate enough for the two of us. Besides, there was work. Or sleep. Or whatever other excuse I could conjure that would allow me to politely decline any invitation to join the cause.

And then a bill on comprehensive immigration reform was introduced.

My old bag of excuses simply drifted away. I wanted to participate in any way I could. In my willingness, I began to realize that it wasn't so much my voice or my catchy phrase or my sign that was needed. Just my presence. I didn't need to be particularly loud about my support. I just needed to be there. To be counted.

Through out American history, people have demonstrated and rallied and marched to say that something just wasn't right in this country. That people were hurting. That systems were unjust. And that it wasn't okay. It is one of the many luxuries of this country that I have long taken for granted. This idea that if we don't like something, we have the right, the freedom, to go out there and say something  about it. Without fear. Can I say that again? Without fear. 

I have this theory, that immigration reform is going to be one of those key issues that my (future) children will study in school one day. They'll learn the different sides of the issue. They'll read about what the opponents said and what those in favor argued. And they'll make their own decision. 

And I hope they'll ask me about it. Because when they do, I'll share stories about how I was there. In Chicago. In the absolute heart of the Mexican immigrant community. And I'll tell them about how I talked to anyone who would listen about how unjust the then-current system was and how it tore families apart. And how I went to the rallies and demonstrations. I didn't yell much. But I was there. Because that's what mattered most. My presence. I'll tell them what I told my students and friends and family: Those immigration laws certainly weren't going to reform themselves. And so being there became a necessity.

And I'll tell them that if they want something to change, they have to be there. They have to be counted. They have to stand in solidarity with those most effected. Change doesn't happen with one person standing alone begging for it. It happens when groups of people come together and persist.

Adrian turns thirty. Adorableness ensues.

Last year, I thought it would be Adrian's last birthday in Chicago so I went a little overboard even though it wasn't a milestone year. I had this big elaborate black and white birthday party and it was wonderful. And also stressful. Then we didn't end up moving. So this year, when he turned thirty, I was at a loss for what to do. Throw another big party with lots of months of planning and preparing or go low key, out to dinner and drinks with friends? Luckily, Adrian soon let me know that he was feeling like a low key night out with friends followed by a family dinner the next day. Perfect.

In a rare turn of events, Adrian also ended up with his birthday off from work so I took the afternoon off and we went out to lunch with his parents. He was absolutely thrilled. 

This 30th birthday was so special for us. Adrian has waited twelve long years to be able to spend a birthday with his parents. (To read more on the difficulties of getting Visas for family, check out Sarah's blog post!) So to spend the day together with both of his parents was surreal.

We spent the next few days celebrating with friends and family. In total, Adrian ended up with three cakes, lots of drinks and bunches of love. I am so happy that he had such a wonderful birthday and that he was able to spend such a momentous birthday with his parents. Finally.

What are you doing for Cinco de Mayo?

Answer: Welp, just about the same thing I'm doing for seis de mayo, siete de mayo and every día de mayo después.

I haven't had much free time this week. Between Adrian's birthday (yay!) and school and afterschool and immigration marches and friends' birthdays, it's been a little crazy. That said, sitting down to write and think just has not happened. It will, but just not yet.

Sigh. 

In light of that, I'm going to take about ten minutes to share some thoughts on Cinco de Mayo. Inspired by my sister's post and by bunches of conversations this week, I have cinco observations for Cinco de Mayo.

They are as follows:

1) I have talked a lot about Cinco de Mayo this week.

2) Aside from talking with Adrian about our distaste for the holiday, not one of those conversations about Cinco de Mayo has been with anyone of Mexican heritage, be it Mexican-mexican (meaning from Mexico) or Mexican-American.

3) This is astounding based upon the fact that roughly 60% of my conversations this week were shared with people of Mexican origin.

4) I have not heard of any parties or other celebrations for Cinco de Mayo, except those being thrown by people of non-Mexican origin.

5) I heard of one workplace in which "Mexican facts" were being shared with the company in honor of Cinco de Mayo.

So, there's that.

Before donning that sombrero or fake mustache or poncho or before grabbing a shot of tequila and yelling "ay ay ay" or some such nonsense, please consider this: You're mocking me. You're mocking Adrian. You're mocking my grandfather. My mother. My aunts and uncles. My cousins. My in-laws. My nieces and nephews. My students. My neighbors. You're making us your entertainment. The butt of your joke.

And as my sister explained, it goes beyond this:

See, the problem I have with celebrating Cinco de Mayo by getting wasted off tequila and/or Coronas and wearing a big sombrero and a fake mustache is that when you do this, you turn an entire ethnicity into a caricature. You perpetuate stereotypes and help to objectify an entire ethnicity. When an ethnicity is turned into an object instead of treating each person as an individual/human, it is much easier to justify policies against them or, on a smaller scale, to justify mocking them. 

One last thought: I know that there is this thought that if we check in with our Mexican friend and he/she says it's fine and that he/she isn't offended, it's okay, right? No, no it's not okay. Because if one Mexican isn't offended, then surely all Mexicans aren't offended, right? Putting it in those terms, we hear how ridiculous this idea is, yes? Please say yes.

The very notion that one person could speak on behalf of an entire people group as a collective representative is ridiculous and is reflective of the very problem that I have with Cinco de Mayo: boiling down an entire culture and group of individuals into one, as if everyone thinks the same, acts the same, looks the same.

The idea then is to move away from feeding into this "Mexicans are all the same" mentality and into seeing Mexicans as we are: individuals. And then to start looking at our own behaviors, including how we choose to celebrate (or not celebrate) Cinco de Mayo, and how they place barriers between ourselves. To see how by placing me or Adrian or whoever into this little box of how a Mexican should be, you're missing out on getting to know who we actually are. How comments of "you don't look Mexican" or "he's too tall to be Mexican" offer insight into how little we understand the diversity of the Mexican people.

The idea is to move into love and understanding and appreciation and I just can't see how Cinco de Mayo celebrations with sombreros and mustaches and tequila fit into that.

And with that, enjoy your weekend! In a respectfully inclusive way, no?

New Day Rising.

A little Foo Fighters quote for your Tuesday morning.

Last week was crazy. At work, we had a fundraiser, a presentation, grants and regular classes. So, as I wrote about on Friday, by the end of the week, I was just craving some alone time to work on quiet projects. And so this weekend, I did just that.

As I mentioned, I've been working with a friend on designing and making some invitations for her birthday brunch next month. It was the perfect little project for the weekend. I printed her invites, cut some envelope liners, printed addresses on the envelopes and put them all together. I love how they turned out and I cannot wait for her to send them out to friends and family.

Sunday morning, I woke up with the purging itch. Adrian and I have been thinking a lot lately that our apartment is just too small. And while there is no debating this this apartment is definitely small, I think it feels smaller because of the sheer amount of stuff we have and how we organize that stuff. Adrian and I both love things. He would have ten different collections of anything from shot glasses to hot wheels cars to helicopters to hats if I would let him. And I, well, I love shoes and bags and wallets and home decor and pretty paper.

So when I came across this one-minute video on Apartment Therapy, 

it was just what I needed to hear.

With the future always so uncertain for us, whether we'll live here or there, in a small apartment or a bigger home, Adrian and I seem to collect these items that are waiting for the next home. A set of drinking glasses for when Adrian finally gets a man cave. Boxes of craft supplies for when I get a craft room. Because I think, what if I can't find this wherever I live next? Or what if it's on clearance now and it's not then? Or what if they don't make them anymore? This is sounding frighteningly like Hoarders, no?

I realized, in keeping things for the unknown future, I'm sacrificing living space now. And I don't like that.

So I started tearing through this little home. Nothing was safe. I threw some things in boxes to donate, others in boxes for a yard sale and whatever couldn't be salvaged in the trash. I was ruthless. If it hadn't been used or worn in the past year, no matter how much I liked it, it was in one of those three piles.

We haven't finished yet so our home is in a state of upheaval, but with more time to work tonight and tomorrow night, I just can't wait to see the results. To live with less. To enjoy more. And to curate a sanctuary for my little family of two.

(If you're interested, I've been spending too much time on Pinterest, analyzing and pinning what I'm drawn to. Conclusion: bright colors and white. Check out my home board here.)

Say yes.

A quiet sunrise drive in Chicago.

I have so much to say and nothing is coming out right.

I am so looking forward to this weekend. I turned down a weekend away with friends to take some time for myself. To work on some projects quietly. To write. To take pictures. Without deadlines and be here nows. Without rush.

I've seen this change in me for a while. I used to be so carefree and social and had to be around others. All the time. Now I need quiet time to myself. I think it happened slowly over time and I think, for the most part, I'm really okay with it. But it's certainly different. And it leaves me wondering how much of change is just a natural consequence of growing older and having more responsibilities versus change caused by circumstance. I'm not sure which and maybe both. Regardless, I am loving quiet moments to work as I please where I hated them before.

So I'm trying to listen to that little voice in me that cries out when too many people are around and when too many questions are asked and when everything seems too much. That voice that says, take care of yourself, Emily. Be good to yourself.

I'm taking care of myself this weekend. Which for me means printing and cutting invitations I designed for a friend. And maybe throwing in some envelope liners because I like to. And then fixing up a promo video for work because I love figuring out new skills. And then drinking coffee and writing. All with some Pandora and sunlight.

Happy Friday, friends. Take care of yourselves this weekend and do something that makes your heart say yes.

Si se puede.

download this wallpaper here

For the first time in quite some time, I am thrilled for Monday. Given the emotional roller coaster that was last week, I am glad to be putting some distance between me and then. It was frightening to watch last Friday, as police combed a suburb of Boston that I had spent time in during college. And it was even more frightening knowing that so many of my friends were in lockdown. Add immigration reform to the mix and the difficulty of understanding an 844-page piece of legislation that even lawyers aren't totally sure on, and you have one crazy emotional week. I gave myself some time this weekend to just be sad and worried. But it's Monday and it's a new week and the sun is shining in Chicago. So I'm going to keep pressing forward, Dunkin' coffee in hand, of course.

In light of all of this, I created this iPhone wallpaper which is available for download here. Just a little reminder that we can do this. Si se puede, friends!

Simply click the link, download, email to yourself and set it as your wallpaper on your phone. Enjoy!