Lessons on appropriate blizzard behaviors


I've learned a few things having grown up in New England and now living in Chicago. There are certain behaviors that are acceptable, nay, encouraged, and others that are downright foolish and mockable when confronted with a snowstorm of end-times proportions.

You know I love me a list so let me present to you lessons on appropriate blizzard behaviors based on my recent observations of general stupidity.

1) Should you find yourself at a stoplight and wanting to cross the street a pie, on foot fool, you really ought to obey that blinking red hand and wait. There's a reason you're not seeing the walk symbol. It's because you're walking in the middle of a blizzard and, really, those cars probably don't see you. And even if they do, blizzards mean slippery streets which means it's hard to brake which means you're a pancake on the pavement. So seriously, don't cross. And especially not right in front of a car.
Hey idiot girl, don't walk. Cause I really just almost saw you get run over.

2) If the snow goes above your knees, your tiny little car with no four-wheel drive isn't gonna make it through. So don't try. Cause when I walk out of the house with two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks, a thermal shirt, a fleece jacket, a down coat, fleece-lined mittens, a scarf around my face and a hat, I'm not doing so to dig you out of the snow. And I'm certainly not about to push your car. (Don't be thrown off by my big, shovel-toting husband. We're still not doing you any favors.) Mmmkay, maybe once. But after that you're on your own. Seriously.
Read up on how to unstuck your car from that snowbank you thought you could take on.

3) How about you don't double park after a ginormous snow storm?? Cause sabes que?? No one can get around you since there's two rows of buried cars along with like an extra 3 feet of snow on each side since the City of Chicago hasn't deemed our neighborhood worthy enough of a plow. So keep moving. My Explorer can't get by and we both know, if it comes down to it, you're the one losing a mirror. Not me.
Sure, sure. No problem. Take your time. Just be sure to watch this video when you're done double parking.

Which actually leads me to my fourth and final lesson:

4) Hey City of Chicago, it's me, Emily and the entire West Side and possibly South Side of Chicago. We'd like our streets plowed from time to time. I know, I know. It's tough to make us a priority when we don't have the money to feed your ridiculous campaigns but we like a clean street too. You know, a street where I don't have to use 4x4 High just to get from one end to the other. I mean, this is a city afterall right? Or am I mistaken and I'm actually living in Applachia? Be a pal. Plow.


Lastly, I'd like to leave you with this little ditty:
Post-storm, plastic chairs are the law of the land here. Dug out your car so you can go to work? No worries! Throw some plastic chairs in your spot and you're golden. Spot saved til you get out. But woe to you who moves the chair.


My good friend Emily didn't leave out chairs. She went to work. She came home from work. She found a parking spot also without a chair or bucket or other miscellaneous junk. So she parked. 

Little while later, there's a knock at her door and a man telling her she had taken his spot and she needed to move. She's a nice enough girl so she moved.

She's been looking for parking ever since.



Oh and my street got plowed. Three days later. Thanks Chicago.


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