My husband works six days a week. From 12pm to usually 10, 11 or 12pm. He works too much a lot. I work five days a week, beginning at 9am and ending somewhere between 3 and 5 pm.
You're starting to see the problem, right? I work in the morning and afternoon. He works in the afternoon and evening/all night.
Me gone in the morning + both gone in the afternoon + him gone in the evening = not much time together.
So, I was reading over at lamidge.com (a lovely blog, go check her out) that apparently there's this study that said that the average couple spends just two hours together.
Shoot, we're lucky if we get two hours. Which I think was not the point of the study. But, reallys, we love days when we have two hours together.
On the other hand, maybe there are others thinking, "hey, we'd probably be better off if we only had two hours together." Less time to bicker and nit pick and generally get under each other's skin. And yes, there is certainly something to be said of having too much time together. Unfortunately, I'm not discussing that. Wait til we're old and retired and have nothing much going on, then check back here. I'll probably blog about that then.
If you're like me and you just got married and you only spend two hours (or less) together each day, how can you have any semblance of a functioning relationship? Especially when there are days when I wake up and he's still asleep and he goes to bed and I'm already asleep, meaning we completely missed one another the entire day?
Ahhh yes. Communication.
Enter google chat. (Shout outs to my friend Chris who works at google. I don't care if google chat was invented before you started there. I'm sure you were involved somehow. So thanks.)
Oh, and android phones.
Now generally I despise the idea that anyone could get a hold of me at any time because I am quite selfish with my time. I don't like this notion we sometimes have that we ought to be able to get a hold of anyone at any hour. You may not get a hold of me any time of any day. Unless you're Adrian. Or my mom. And sometimes not even then.
Regardless, Adrian and I mostly stay in touch while at work through the genius of google chat and android. They might not be lengthy conversations, but it allows us to connect in small ways so that we each feel a part of the other's life. Topics range from "Whose waterbottle is this under the sink? I've never seen it" to "Dairy Queen tonight?" to "These people make me crazy" (obviously his coworkers, not mine. Love ya Tolton!) Snippets of life that if you don't share, you miss.
We also guard Wednesday's with our lives. I never make plans on Wednesday unless I've checked it over with him. My coworkers are incredibly understanding and never schedule meetings with me after class on Wednesdays. We guard that one day and we make it about us. Sometimes about us and friends. Or us and family. But also grounded in us.
And I think that's a big piece of how we manage. I've learned that sometimes (namely every Wednesday), I just have to say no. Adrian says I have a hard time telling people no, but when it comes to the middle of the week, I have no problem. I think because there presents such a clear priority, my husband and my marriage. And thankfully, people have been understanding and less and less put me in a position where I need to say no.
And I guess that's (partially) how we do it. For now. I know one of these days, we'll get to be normal and do normal people things together during the week or on the weekends. Or maybe even spend a whole day together without one of us having to ask for the day off. But until then, we'll continue sharing the small details of life that slowly shape us and guarding those little times we do have.
How bout you all? How do you make it work with all the obstacles and the choices and the distractions?