I watched far too much "Bachelor" yesterday. I had it on in the background as I attempted a couple of projects in preparation for our Oscars party. Much like the Bachelor, my projects fell flat on their faces. My printer ran out of ink, my Cricut didn't want to cut cursive letters, my glue broke and I had run out of gold glitter cardstock. Such first world problems, I know. The combination of the Bachelor's dismissiveness of women and their feelings and my failed projects sent my day into tailspin.
Adrian came home from work. I changed into some jeans and one of the winter sweaters that has come to define my winter style, which I should note has become more middle-aged woman and far less "Adorable blogger lives in city!" We had to pick up a few items for the party as well as all the supplies for my projects. On the way, we drove past a cemetery and the snow was falling and there was an absolute lack of life and color and excitement and yes.
"That cemetery is like my soul," I mumbled.
"Don't be so dramatic," Adrian laughed.
I think I have finally hit that wall I've heard so much about. I am done with winter and gray and cold and socks and failed projects and oversized sweaters and silence. There is no magic left in hot chocolates or fluffy comforters or cozy socks. And there is certainly no magic in snow.
In the grocery store, I waited at the end of the aisle for Adrian as he carefully chose his ingredients. This little girl sat in a cart a few steps away from mine, by herself. I wondered where her parents were and then she started yelling and they came to her rescue. And I thought, this could very well be where I break. Right there, next to screaming children in a grocery store, wearing this awful fuchsia sweater because I need some color. Groceries stores are typically unbearable to me but when your soul is a cemetery, well, it's just too much.
As we were leaving, there were pink tulips by the check out. Adrian grabbed them and told me I needed them.
And I did.
We went home and I didn't even notice the cemetery as we passed. I put my tulips in water and told Adrian to be careful not to knock them over. In our small apartment, accidents happen.